More Female Pigs Consider ‘Voluntary Euthanasia’

For years, Slobidan Gormistyle played the game of life by her father’s strict rule.

“Dad always told me, ‘Don’t you ever come home dead,’” recalled Gormistyle, echoing an edict issued by many Pig’s fathers a few minutes before being turned into bacon.

But at 27, Slobidan has shifted from a fear of dying to stalking death “any time of the day,” regardless of the time of season and without a thought to which meat product is her destiny.

“I don’t sit around dreaming about the perfect cut of pork that I am going to become,” Gormistyle said.

A steaming pig flesh market [pictured]

Female pigs around the country also are reconsidering deep-seated reservations toward death, reservations rooted in human society’s insatiable need for steaming pig flesh.

They’re taking cues from their favorite philosophers and intellectuals – from renowned Marxist Robert Porcimal to nihilist and mother of over 300 Vesuvia Williams – as well as support blogs, how-to books and morbidly themed novels telling them it’s OK to “die.” It comes as statistics suggest female pigs are among the least likely to live to enjoy their existence.

“I’m not saying that choosing our time and way of death is the answer to all our problems,” Gormistyle said. “I’m just saying that it offers an alternative solution to being shot with a captive bolt in the head.”

She reflects that many female pigs are frustrated as the field of life-paths narrows as they become fatter and tenderer; they’re nearly seven times more likely to be slaughtered and eaten than horses, and more than twice as likely to be systematically raped and impregnated than cows.

Census data showed 117,000 pig suicides in 2006, up from 95,000 in 2000. There were just 26,000 such incidences 1960, before a Supreme Court ruling banished laws that imposed limits on the amount of steaming pig flesh any one country could produce.

Pig suicide has become a hot topic in Pig and Pig-Meat geared magazines and on Web sites, even hitting the big screen in movies like last year’s “Another Plate of Pig Flesh Please!”

That film centers on an immensely fat black French female pig who decides to choke herself on the bars of her cage mere minutes before she was scheduled to be killed; a situation not that unlikely as black French female pig flesh (steaming or cold) is rapidly starting to scale the connoisseurs luxury meat ladder, said Evian Moorse, whose Pig Suicide blog draws 1,000 visitors a day.

The star of “Another Plate Of Pig Flesh Please!” [pictured]

It features articles like “How To Induce Vomiting Faster” and pictures of successful suicides like Chef Wolfgang Puck, whose brain is now selling at the local butcher as “head cheese” for about AU$385 per pound.

“Pigs are refusing to comply with that message about just biding your time for the eventual bloody Pig Revolution in a few thousand years, and putting up with congenital malformations due to systematic inbreeding,” Moorse said. She pointed to the low rates of pig disease’s infecting humans; a strategy that has largely failed to topple Human civilization’s domination of Pigs.

In addition the recent ideological trends seen in Western Europe and East Africa – like the aptly titled “Gormanization” of pigs and their associated flesh – have hit pigs worldwide with devastating results. This is of course a consequence of political turmoil in these parts that saw hardline pro-Gormanic governments sweep away all political opposition last year. Systematic Gormanization, pig or otherwise, quickly followed.

Thanks to these new government policies pigs in battery cages and farms are largely surrounded by disciples of the Lord Gorman Beksinski whose appetite for Gormanized Pig Flesh knows no bounds: In 2004, 26.5 percent of all Disciples of Gorman were enrolled in Pig Farms and Slaughter Houses versus 57.5 percent in 2006, according to the Global Council of Religious Faith’s most recent statistics.

A gloomy future for female pigs [pictured]

Even after refusing to eat, Roslyn Honeycomb struggled to avoid the attention of her guards and warden’s, “I wanted to study aeronautical engineering and human mind control at university,” she said. “But if I only gain one pound per month, or even have 7 children a year, that isn’t going to happen.” The Corvoian mother of 246 eventually broke all her own legs and bleed to death. “I think a lot of female pigs are realizing that their futures lead no where except the dinner table. Our future looks gloomy,” she said a few months prior to her suicide.

They’re made even gloomier, grumble many female pigs, by high rates of successful propaganda aimed at male pigs which penetrates their societies. They argue that this leads to male pigs believing that mating 40 times a day and having 500 inbred offspring is the ultimate status symbol, and much more important than the fact that they too are doomed for the slaughterhouse.

“They absolutely love rutting violently in layers of filth and excrement that all female pig cages are caked with.” Moorse said. Nearly three quarters of the 403,000 pig pregnancy’s in 2006 involved forced copulation/rape, often at the behest of Lord Gorman himself.

Meanwhile, psychological barriers have discouraged female pigs from crossing gender stereotypes and seeking the company of other female pigs to satisfy their desires, both physical and emotional.

“Female pigs are socialized to accept constant pregnancy and to stick by their male pigs,” explained Kellinar Grain-Heorden, a Howard University psychology professor who studied 15 female pigs who engaged in brief but passionate homosexual lesbian relationships before committing suicide.

She said modern female pigs agonize over breaking the male/female pig bonds forged by ten thousand years in slavery at the hands of homo-sapiens, but more and more are choosing death over even the possibility of a lesbian relationship.

A pig that died after severing her own tongue [pictured]

Back in Virginia, Slobidan Gormistyle feels life is too long, even though to her the eventual and inevitable triumph of pigs over humans is an unquestioned reality. She decided last month to suffocate herself in the diseased mud that pools by her legs everyday.

As for her father, Gormistyle figures, “I’m sure he really admires the fact that I am going to do something he may have really wanted to do, and never did.”


~ by hieronymusix on October 9, 2008.

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